#AllysLegacy
hi guys. my brain is so scattered so i apologize in advance if i jump literally all over the place. this post is more of a journal entry from a grieving & broken heart than a thought through post.
today i'm writing to you today with a very heavy heart. if you follow me on any form of social media, especially twitter, you've probably seen everything that's going on. but for those of you who don't know already, 8 days ago my friend Ally Michelle Hooten was in a tragic accident while hunting with some family & unfortunately for us, Ally went to be with Jesus on January 7th, 2017. talk about a really crappy start to 2017. i had written some posts that i was going to share with you about my goals for 2017 & how its a new year which means you can start new & now all of that seems so ridiculous to me in light of recent events. my heart is still just as shattered & i still have so many questions. some points of this past week are a total blur & others are so vivid i swear it happened 5 minutes ago, these last 8 days have felt like 3 weeks. there were several points where i was praying that God would speed up time or that we could all just skip to a few months down the road so the pain wouldn't be so sharp in my heart, but it was just the opposite of that, it felt as if minutes were hours, literally. i have never cried so hard in my entire life, this is by far the hardest thing i've ever been through in my life & this very well could be the hardest thing i ever go through in my entire life. watching my friends suffer & grieve is so hard, but on top of that i'm trying to grieve myself, it's just all total crap. it sucks. so much. i've never been in so much emotional pain that it caused me to have significant physical pain bc of it. i could feel my heart breaking inside my chest. i wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. i'm honestly at a loss for words bc i'm still trying to wrap my brain around all of it. i never fully understood what people meant when they say grief comes in waves, & boy do i understand it now. when people would ask me "are you okay?" my response was always "i don't know" bc i could literally be laughing one minute & the next minute i'm gasping for air between sobs, talk about a roller coaster. death shakes you to your core. it's a real test of your faith & raises questions about what makes you who you are. distractions are good, but you can't distract yourself too much or else you don't grieve properly & you stuff feelings WHICH IS SO BAD DO NOT DO THAT. the days ran together & nights were hard, but so were days. there was no escaping the heartbreak & sorrow. (i haven't cried yet, but i know it's coming & probably soon) this week has been hell. there's no other word to describe it.
i've hugged so many people this last week & i tell practically everyone that i love them. (update: i lost it) these last 8 days have made me realize so many things. life is too short to not tell the people you love how much you love them, life is too short to not take chances, life's too short to not love the people around you. this tragedy has been a major eye opener for me when it comes to priorities. i've realized what & who means the most to me. this is something i will never forget, ever. i don't think i have cried out to God so much in my life. i've been talking to Him for the last 8 days straight. He is the ONLY reason why i have hope & why i'm okay. it helps to know exactly where Ally is, she's right next to Jesus & that brings so much comfort to my heart. funerals aren't for the person who died, they're for the people that they left behind. Ally lived a life that was constantly in pursuit of our King. i admired Ally. she lived out the phrase "love God, love people." she won the race, she beat all of us to Heaven & in that sense i'm jealous. & i know that if God looked at her in Heaven & asked would you want to go back there or stay here? she would never come back here. she's where she was created to be. BUT that doesn't make our hearts any less broken, it can bring lots of comfort, but that doesn't heal our hearts. it is Christ alone that will glue our hearts back together from the shattered broken pieces that it is at this moment. just like i could feel my heart break, i could also feel it coming back together by the miraculous hands of Jesus. (update: i lost it part 2)
some things that have helped me this week:
-trusting Him that He will bring us through the fire
-"one day it will be okay, probably not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day it will be okay"
-mornings are hardest for me bc throughout the day i can talk myself into being okay, but then i have to start all over again when i wake up the next day so i tell myself "...weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." psalm 30:5
-remembering how deeply He cares for me
-hugs
-jeremiah 31:13 "then young women will dance & be glad, young men & old as well. i will turn their mourning into gladness; i will give them comfort & joy instead of sorrow." (update: i lost it part 3)
-isaiah 40:8 "the grass withers & the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever."
-Once And For All by Lauren Daigle
-What A Beautiful Name by Hillsong Worship
-spending intentional time with God
-crying
-worship
-driving around town with no destination in mind
-taking it one day at a time & if that's too much, taking it one hour at a time & if that's too much, taking it one minute at a time
-praying for others
-journalling
-allowing others to comfort you & then turning around & comforting someone else
my hope is in Jesus & who He is. i find peace only through Him, i know that it will be okay bc God holds my future in His hands. Ally has forever changed my life. i've realized the importance of love & friendships, my priorities are straight now & they won't change in the near future. Ally let God handle her life & didn't take control of it, i have given my heart & life to Jesus fully so that i don't have to worry about tomorrow. i rest in my hiding place which is found fully in the Lord. i'm still grieving & i will for a while. but i know that we will all make it out of this low valley. i will take it day by day. i will allow God to have access to my every thought, i will allow God to make me more like Him everyday. i am so thankful for my life & i will not be quick to waste time or moments or hugs. i will capitalize on the opportunities that the Lord gives me. thank you Lord for your mercy & grace, thank you Lord for caring for us deeply.
over 300 people have come to know Christ bc of Ally, talk about legacy. over 20,000 people watched her celebration of life service on Friday afternoon. from all 50 states & 11 countries. THAT right there is such a testimony of who Ally was & her undying faith. if you don't know Christ & you want to know Him, PLEASE contact me. allow me to tell you about my awesome & holy Savior. or if you're struggling & you need help PLEASE contact me, you can remain anonymous, but i would LOVE to help you through this.
as always, if you need prayer or have any questions please feel free to contact me through email, just click on the contact tab at the top of the page & fill in the required fields. also, be sure to follow me on social media, the links are on the left side of the home page. i hope you have an awesome day ! thank you for reading Saved By Grace, until next time y'all :-)
"& I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, & I will be the glory in her midst."
Zechariah 2:5
X O X O, K i n l e y
also, if you would like to help fulfill #AllysLegacy click here